i am getting ready to write a lengthy post with lots of personal junk in it so get ready.....
i am going to be sort of honest here....i am sort of good at a mish mosh of stuff. but i have never really chased one thing for a very long time. i guess what i mean to say is i am not REALLY good at any one thing. but there are things in my life that have presented themselves more time and energy worthy than others. like music and art and......dance. i love to move. i love to feel music move though me. i have hang ups with all of these things stemming from insecurities of all sorts.
but since this is a blog about hooping, and dance in the middle of a hoop i want to talk about this particular hang up.
when i was younger i loved to dance. i think i have always understood music, and to make my body translate that with movement only made sense. i put on grand performances in my bedroom for the audiences in my head. i was a modern dancer, a ballerina, a whirling dervish. then one day while sitting in a movie theater with an older friend of mine and one of her friends, who was an actual dancer, i told her about my deep love of dance. i wish i could say the dancer friend had encouraged me to move and twist, seek out a dance class, anything. but instead all she had to say was that "i was too tall and my hair was too short, i could never find a taller partner, and dance would never be right for me"................
okay i know what most "normal" people would think...."she was just young and ignorant". but that didnt matter to me when i was 10, and it hit me hard. i have had issues with my body since. there is an awkwardness that i feel every time i bend, or try to melt into a song. hell, i feel it when i walk. i am too tall, my hair will always be too short, and i will never find a partner.
but it is time.
time to put the shit behind me. time to be tall, love my style, and love the fact that i have found a partner ( who is 1 inch shorter than me, who loves me a whole freakin' bunch).
tonight i danced hard. i hooped what i felt.i dropped the hoop. i picked it up. i was clumsy. i was tall. i was soft, and hard all at the same time. it is time to let it go. to enjoy the time i have. i danced, and the hoop just happened to be there swirling around me at just the right times.
here is to letting things go, picking things up, and allowing things to be right where they need to be at just the right time.
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tomorrow is the first meeting of the hooptacular extravaganza here at my house! i cant wait to post pictures and stories!!!
big love and hugs to you my friend! and i raise my glass to letting things go, picking things up, and allowing things to be right where they need to be at just the right time!
ReplyDeletei don't know if you know this, but my mom owned a dancing school and ballet company, and i spent my life there, until my early 20's...and i was told the same thing, well... not exactly because unfortunately i'm not even close to being too tall, but was always told i had to loose weight to be accepted into the ballet company and that i didn't and never would have the 'body' of a dancer...and i heard this spoken to so many girls, witnessed first hand what it did, not only to my self image, but the self image of hundreds of girls... it's heartbreaking, really...but the good news is that we recognize it, admonish it and move on with the fabulousness of who we are!
i love you and your sweet, gentle, funky, hoop dancin' self!
CAN'T WAIT FOR THE HOOPTACULAR EXTRAVAGANZA TONIGHT!!!!
What a beautiful post sweet one...and I for one am beyond excited to see REAL photos from you ;-) I'm holding my breath.
ReplyDeletebooooooooooo, the saddest thing ever!!! i didnt have batteries in my camera, but i will get some next time, we are already planning our next hooptacular extravaganza!
ReplyDeleteOh my word girl. Do I have to come down there and do it myself?! ;-) They do SELL BATTERIES at nearly every corner store. Boo is right. Ok...I will patiently wait until next time. At least write about it, K?
ReplyDeletei will certainly do that! hehehe, and yes, you must come take pictures!!!!! if that is how i will get you here i will never buy batteries again! i can at least take a picture of the funky signs i painted for the extravaganza. ill post them soon.....promise....did you get your phone message today???
ReplyDeletesooooo with you... tall?? I'm 5'11... was 5'10 by age 11... big.... B-I-G.. so crave letting go of this body in a good way... great post...
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